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 enhancment pretbc and tbc nerf movie!

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Blood Guard
Blood Guard

PostSubject: enhancment pretbc and tbc nerf movie!   Fri 04 Jun 2010, 16:42
in this post is a collection of all parody of enhancment in vanilla and in tbc go see it and i w8in replies!
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PostSubject: Re: enhancment pretbc and tbc nerf movie!   Fri 04 Jun 2010, 16:53

"they should change WF to 20% to hit yourself" afro lol
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Blood Guard
Blood Guard

PostSubject: re   Sat 05 Jun 2010, 13:20

i found this blog that sum up what i am doing hilaryous!

Back in the simple days of TBC I had a whale of a time chucking lightning bolts point blank in the face of anyone who got on my nerves, mana hungry blood elves, people at bus stops, hell I once went on an elemental Safari in Nagrand just to watch some woodland creature on the business end of 15 million volts. Back then things were simple, hell, then again back then I was a prancing spacegoat before I discovered the joys of being a pathologically violent 12 Foot Cow man. See, for me, Wrath is where all this enhancement business started. As a newly reborn man cow I became drawn to sheer and unadulterated beauty of enchanting two fucking huge axes with fire and stuff then splitting open some idiot Vrykul bloke. I slowly learned the importance of my maelstrom procs, keeping my lightening shield up and generally battering the crap out of things.

I dinged 80 around the time of the Brewfest thing and got myself back to BRDs for a couple of Enormous spiky iron beer mugs of death (remember them?) and set about noobing my way through heroics back when you could get 2 bits of tier 8 with the tokens. Life was sweet, some patch came in where I could chuck all my totems down at once, the beer mugs of evil death made a fantastic *clunk* sound as you twatted spiders in Azjol Nerub right in the back of their heads and every now and then I'd bloodlust purely for my own entertainment and go a bit mental on some unsuspecting boss.

That sort of happy go lucky crap sadly no longer cuts it. The idea of speccing or doing what you want in this age of recount, tankspot videos and that stupid gearscore programme is long gone. I used to blag raid spots in Pugs by boasting that I could break a dragons jaw in three places with a windfury proc, these days, a sheer appetite for needless dragon related assaults gets you nowhere. That's fine for absolute morons like arcane mages who press a whole two buttons as part of their DPS "cycle", it's great for brain damaged Retardins who just bash something when it's on cooldown, hell it's wonderful for people in vegetative states who play destro locks by blinking once for conflag, twice for incinerate and shit themselves for immolate.

How does the noble enhancement shaman cope in this increasingly competitive environment? It is only right and proper after all the secrecy surrounding this issue that I bust the lid on the dark truth haunting all enhancement shaman at end game 80. This is a dark and horrible truth, but we will never move on unless the community at large knows the pain we are in. The position is sadly this:

Our rotation is now so complex that maintaining top DPS causes stress - related Anal Ruptures

Next time you see an enhancement Shaman in the top 3 DPS you can be absolutely certain he or she is in fact sitting in a pool of blood and their own fecal matter. It is now simply impossible to maintain our ridiculous rotation without massive internal hemorrhaging most often manifesting as exploding blood vessels in the arse. The unenlightened amongst you will be wondering why, you'll think it looks simple, you'll think we're sort of like rogues with a bit of magic. You could not be more wrong. See that Tier 10 hat covering our faces? that's to hide our tears because our rotation now requires us to watch the following:

Is our Searing/Magma totem about to run out?

Is fire nova off cooldown?

How the hell did lightning shield get down to 2 stacks I only just fucking put it on again?

Is Stormstrike ready?

How's Earthshock doing, back up yet?

Is Lava Lash ready for another outing?

Christ did I put down tremor instead of strength of earth?

Damn it the searing totem's been off for 3 second netting me a 700 million DPS loss

Oh Jesus I've had a 5 proc of maelstrom weapon for ages, wonder how long I've been wasting that free lightning bolt?

Mana's a bit dodgy better bust out Shamanistic rage if it's off CD

If you're using the Emblems of frost totem, is your haste buff still up, did you let it drop off? Did you earth shock twice and forget to flame shock?

Is trinket 1 or 2 up?

Are your spirit wolves ready?

You missed a fire nova cooldown and now your fire totem's been randomly attacked by a disabled badger and died, no fire nova for you dickhead

What the hell the lightning shield's off again?

Why is my ass bleeding!?

How long has that guy been spamming "FFS BL"?, and will I look really bad for missing it?

OMFG I think I'm having a nosebleed out my rectum

That, Ladies and gentleman is generally what is going through the mind of your average enhancement shaman. Compare this if you will with the DPS "rotation" of an arcane mage:

Arcane Blast x 3

Arcane Missiles
Why is that enhancement shaman's ass bleeding?
That's not a rotation, that is a disgusting attempt to appease educationally sub normal players. Enhancement's got this way partly because of our interaction with our less complex specs. Elemental didn't have enough to do, blizz thought chucking in an aoe would be a laugh, fine for them, one more bastard cooldown for us. We're also here because if you play the game in a nice relaxed fashioned merrily skipping round Borean Tundra slotting the undead it doesn't really matter what you press and lots of buttons are more fun that one button. In the harsh world of recount et all though this is getting a bit ridiculous.

Look at lightning shield for example. It has charges. It needs to be reapplied. It works exactly like retribution aura. Solution for paladins - give them a one click aura. Solution for us - give us another fucking cooldown to watch. Right now the spec is getting so silly that dramatic action needs to be taken to redesign it otherwise only multi limbed Hindu gods or bored brain surgeons will bother speccing enhance. So, dear Blizz please do the following:

Remove Lava Lash, it's pointless, make it a function of any weapon enchanted with flame tongue

Make water and lightning shield passive stance style options with permanent shields based on them

Add an option to the totem toolbar setting a default for a 5 stack maelstorm proc, have it fire off after 1 second of getting 5 stacks as a utility cost allowing us in boss fights to set it LB and concentrate on movement and otherwise allowing us 1 sec to bust out a chain heal or whatever

Remove fire nova - without thrown totems this spell is increasingly shite forcing even ranged elementals into melee range. Replace fire nova with the forthcoming earthquake and make it elemental only - I'm a dual wielding single target killing machine, some other cunt can aoe the whelps

Dispatch an expert team of anal surgeons to repair the terrible damage you did to enhancement shammies in wrath

Those are my starting suggestions guys. Who knows if Blizz will embrace the simple = elegant concept on this one, I hope that they do as I'd hate to lay down my enormous axes and resort to chucking lightning bolts again. Point blank GBH with the power of the elements assisting you is a right laugh, it should go back to being one.
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